Cure for Terminal Putinism

 If you missed Quirks and Quarks today (CBC.ca/radio/quirks) you missed a solution to what's wrong with the world. There is too much tribalism, greed, fear, aggression, angry roaring and sabre rattling; there's too little empathy, kindness, generosity, listening and cooperation. We like to imagine we are in control of who we are and the choices we make. That's fantasy. We are under the control of circumstances, culture, genetics, biochemistry, and the dessert menu.

The solution (my idea, not Bob McDonald's) is hormonal warfare: spray oxytocin in Putin's nose while he sleeps. Nobody gets hurt. Everybody wins. Just stay out of Putin's reach unless you are looking for a Russian bearhug. Skeptical? Researcher Jessica Burkhart uses this on feisty lions. Can't argue with success.

Up your nose, Vladimir.

Fssssssst. Sniff. Aaaa-choooo.

Oops. Sorry. Did I wake you up? That wasn't nice of me, was it. But this stuff is harmless. Look, I'll take a shot myself.

Fssssssst. Sniff.

There. Hmmm. That's better. Feels good.

How you doin, Vlad? Give us a hug.

Are we out of ice cream again? Aw shucks. We'll have to make do with chocolates.
We got ginger, cherry cream, nougat and peppermint. Two each. You go first.

What? You want them all? Who are you, Putin or Takin?
Here, have another sniff of this happy spray.
Fssssssst. Sniff.
Again.
Fssssssst. Sniff.
Inhale this time.
Fssssssst. Sniiiiiiiiiiiifffff.
You want it all? Take it all. We got another case of this stuff in the basement.

Uhhh, OK Vlad, nice to be friends, but you can let go now.

*********************

P.S.

Seriously, oxytocin has some complex effects including reduction of fear and anxiety, increased generosity and empathy with the in-group; but also increase of xenophobia, nationalism, ethnocentrism, and lying for the benefit of the in-group. It may improve relationships within a group and increase conflict between groups. So oxytocin up the nose isn't a cure for everything. I had the wrong idea. Back to the lab. What can we do about testosterone?